Well here I am writing again.  It's very windy here in Las Vegas, and I am afraid to go out in light of my breathing problems.  I fell off the wagon this morning and took two puffs out of a cigarette. My husband and I were arguing, and naturally, the first thing I did was to go for the cigarettes. Naturally, I ended up with a stomach ache, and the only thing that seems to help them is walking. He is having problems with his computer and insisted that he had to bring the machine over to the place where he bought it. I wanted to go with him, but as I said, the wind deterred me.

When I become frustrated, I smoke. When I get angry, I smoke. When I feel nervous, I smoke. When I'm worried, I smoke. Cigarettes are as much a part of my behavior as anything else I do. They are so ingrained in my personality that I have become totally dependent upon them to live my life.

I asked an old friend of ours how he had quit smoking and he said he started smoking a pipe. My response was that women don't smoke pipes in this neck of the woods. Perhaps in the hills of Kentucky he suggested, it wouldn't look strange to see a woman smoking a pipe.

In any event, I am not certain that the hills of Kentucky are still ridden with pipe smoking women. What disturbs me is that I have made a commitment to myself to stop, and I want to stick to it as best I can.

Every morning now, I put on the hypnosis video I have been using in order to stop smoking. The Englishman who is speaking puts a smile on my face, and I become more determined to stop.

I have to ask myself how much good not smoking at this late stage of life will do, but I would like to believe that if not smoking adds time to my life, that is more time to watch my grandchildren fulfill their dreams, and even provide the opportunity to spend a little more time enjoying just plain living.

I am not sure how successful I will be. I keep having incidents like the one I had this morning, but for some reason I am challenged. Even at this minute when a little voice inside of my head is asking for a cigarette.

Ironically enough, I had reached a point before I started the hypnosis video where I was down to three cigarettes a day. There were still days when it wasn't just three. Unfortunately, smokers use the cigarette to better deal with the stresses life brings, and even though they can be helpful on some level in keeping us alive, common sense tells one that smoking causes more harm than it does good. I'd be curious to hear from a doctor about this. Who knows what they might think?